A room makeover is a great thing to do if the person is open to it. Our friend Mary LOVED to sit by her fireplace but the chair didn’t face the fire so she was always moving it. She was going to be spending a lot of time at home during her treatments, so we brought in a decorator friend who found a beautiful swivel chair that worked perfectly, redid her mantle, and freshened up the room.
If the chorus concert at school requires a white shirt and black pants, offer to get this taken care of so they don’t have to think about it. Yellow T-shirt needed for field day? Send one into the teacher and send a text to the mom saying it’s covered. Cupcakes needed for Halloween party? Bake them and send them in on behalf of the mom too sick or sad to bake. Two days before my brother in law’s funeral mass a friend of my sister’s showed up with seven blue blazers in all different sizes so my nephews had blazers that fit them. When an unexpected event happens, like a funeral, the kids may not have dress clothes that fit, so look into this and, if needed, go shopping.
Add money to the school lunch accounts for the kids. This way, if lunch doesn’t get made on any certain day the kids can easily buy lunch and the parents don’t have to dig around for $2.75 (finding exact change can be maddening!)
When you are living with grief or illness, the small stuff can often turn into “big stuff.” By “small stuff”, I mean if your kid is going to the same birthday party as your friend’s kid, then buy and wrap a gift for them to bring. Cover teacher’s gifts and end of the year gifts. This isn’t necessarily a financial gift, it is a gift of convenience. A few years ago, when my God son had a tumor in his brain, we wrapped up bottles of wine in Christmas bags with tags attached in case my friend decided she was up to go to a Christmas party, then she would have hostess gifts ready to go.
If the family has people staying with them to help, or you are not one of the central helpers, do something for the caretakers to make it easier for them to be with the family. In the final days of helping a dear friend, other friends sneaked in my house and folded all the laundry that was piled up in my basement and left me wine and cheese and crackers. This was their way to help me help our friend.
Send them care packages to college-aged kids or young adults who live out of the house. When a dear Heartworks friend returned to God after a 14-year journey with breast cancer, we each took turns sending weekly care packages to her daughter who was a senior in college. It helped her daughter and all of us through the first three months of our grief.
If the family has a dog or cat, you can send Bark Box/Meow Box to them every month. People love getting treats for their pets! It is an especially huge hit with kids that are going through a rough time.
Have your friends or family go through old pictures and make a mug, pillow case, or blanket out of them. It will remind the person how strong the roots of friendship and family are.
A group of friends each sending Alex and Ani bracelets is a meaningful gift that the person can feel and see on their wrists. Cross necklaces, charm bracelets, and zodiac sign jewelry are all powerful. When my Dad went home to God, my sisters and I bought zodiac sign necklaces with his sign and our signs on them. We still wear them 12 years later. When we send zodiac necklaces to families, they usually turn into one of their most sacred items. We give cuff links or key chains to men.
If the family is going to be spending time in the car and have kids, make little goodie bags each week filled with activities, things to read, and snacks for the car or hospital.
